The Long War

I see that the Bush administration has started referring to the War on Terror as "The Long War". That's a pretty catchy title. Not as alliterative as "World War II" or as descriptive as "The War Between The States", but serviceable.

One thing to consider, though, is if there has been any thought given to how we will know when "The Long War" is over. I only ask because we wartime Americans are being asked to sacrifice a variety of civil liberties, and I think it is only natural to wonder when we’ll know it’s okay for these liberties to be restored.

Will there be a VLW Day like there was VE Day and VJ Day? Will we see jubilant strangers kissing in Times Square? Will there be tickertape parades to welcome back the LW troops?

And just how old will those troops be when they come marching home? Sixty-five? Eighty-five?

Could it be that this will be the first war where the majority of the casualties are caused by old age?

I’d just like to know.

Wherefore Art Thou, Walmart?

I saw this story in the New York Times about how Walmart is trying to get bloggers to participate in a public relations campaign designed to improve the company's image. Since I had recently written a post somewhat related to Walmart I eagerly checked my email to see if I had been solicited.

No such luck.

I guess if you go a little bit "negative" about Walmart you don't get to be one of the chosen few. That's okay; I'm not about to change my stance on this fine example of American entrepreneurship just to curry favor with the intelligent and perceptive executive who selects these lucky bloggers. After all, I have my dignity to think of. A dignity, I might point out, which I often maintain by donning the fine apparel available at Walmart.

Sure, it would have been flattering to be asked to extol the virtues of the mighty Arkansas retailer, to point out the unbelievable bargains available within it’s hallowed walls, the excellent selection spread out across its voluminous aisles, the indisputable quality of its serendipitous commodities…

Are you listening, Walmart?

Walton's Woodpeckers

Ornithologists report that a flock of ivory-billed woodpeckers, a species once thought to be extinct, has been discovered in rural Arkansas on the estate of Sam Walton, founder of Walmart.

Researchers said the birds, once known as the "Lord God" bird because they were so spectacular that when they were seen people would remark, "Lord, God what a bird!", have ivory-colored bills, white wing patches and are about 13 inches from wrist to tail. The males have a red crest of feathers on their head, make $5.15 an hour, and have no health plan.

When Is A Blackmailer Not A Blackmailer?

Over the weekend I heard a couple of Senators say, regarding Dubai Port World managing American ports, that if we don't go through with the deal the company, owned by the United Arab Emerates, could make things difficult for us in other parts of the world.

How come when a terrorist blackmails you it's called blackmail, but when a business blackmails you it called business?

Nothing personal, you understand. Just business.

News Flash

More Protests Against Offensive Cartoons.

HOLLYWOOD (JDT) - Militant members of the speech impediment movement are recruiting an army to protest the portrayal of their group in a series of cartoons appearing on a variety of cable outlets.

Said spokesperson Roger Rabet, "Shtory linesh that demean pershonsh with overly developed overbithsh are eshthpethially offenshive."

Wiping his face Elmo Fadd, recording secretary of WASCAL (We Are Seriously Concerned About Language) added,"There is no weason to bewittow doze who awe wingguisticawwy chowanged."

And perhaps most touching of all was the plaintive cry of press liaison T. Wheaty Byrd:

"“I tawt I taw a tawtless 'toon."