Good Ol' Boys Off To College

I came across an article the other day saying that many colleges and universities in the South are "de-Southernizing" themselves thus enhancing their appeal to potential students from the North. Their assumption seems to be that attracting Northern students (who, by the way, they think are all Jewish) will heighten their reputations for diversity.

I don't think the Northern schools can sit still for this. If the North is going to lose students to the South, then the Northern schools had better cotton to the scholars from the land o' cotton.

So, with apologies to my dear mother from Tennessee...

Hey, there, Southern Man! Have you ever thought about going to college? Have you ever thought about M.I.T.?

• The highest standards in technological achievement.
  
  
• Dozens of Nobel prize winners.
  
  
• The number one ranking as the best educational institution in the United States of America.
  
  
• And some damn fine Barbeque!
  

    Admission Requirements

GPA
    Northern Students: 97
    Southern Students: 79
 
SAT
    Northern Students: 690/690/690
    Southern Students: Did you take it?  Y  N

IQ 
    Northern Students: 100 or more.
    Southern Students: 100 more or less.

Essay question
    Northern Students: How MIT will help me identify new and 
                       challenging goals in the pursuit of
                       scientific discovery.                                                                                                        
    Southern Students: How MIT will help me identify new and 
                       challenging goals in the pursuit of
                       striped bass.

So quit fiddlin', you all! It's time to prime the pickup and cruise on up to Cambridge for some quantum theory, thermal dynamics, baby back ribs, and Cajun pulled chicken.

Think about our motto:

"Mens et manus"

It means men can eat with their hands!

You're gonna love it here!

You all.