Vice President Dick Cheney recently said anti-war lawmakers in Congress are "undermining" U.S. troops in Iraq by trying to limit President Bush's spending requests for military operations.
We should listen to this wise man. He's been right about everything so far.
About the war in Iraq: "We are, in fact, making significant progress."
About the Iraqi people: "We will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."
About Saddam Hussein: "He is, in fact, absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons."
About the insurgents: "They are, in fact, in the last throes of the insurgency."
About Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy: "Go, in fact, f*ck yourself."
A Blog Of Humor and Inspiration...
Monday, March 12
Friday, March 9
Why The Next President Will Be A John
It is a simple matter of names. There have been four presidents named John. None of the names of the other candidates even comes close.
John - 4 Presidents: John Adams, John Quincy Adams, John Tyler, and John Kennedy.
Not to mention Andrew and Lyndon Johnson
Hillary - 0 Presidents
Rudolph - 0 Presidents
Mitt - 0 Presidents
Barack - Only 1: Barack "Thomas" Jefferson
Thursday, March 8
Dr. DMV
I have a friend who is a doctor in a specialty for which, thankfully, I will never require treatment. We are,therefore, able to discuss medical matters not as physician and possible future patient, but as man to man.
Whenever I mention the need for some kind of national health care system, my doctor friend replies with this statement: "Sure, we can have the government run health care -- if you want your doctor's office run like the Department of Motor Vehicles."
Well, of course, no one wants their doctor's office to resemble, in any way, the DMV.
I mean, then you'd have to wait unbelievable periods of time before being seen by anyone who could do anything for you.
Wait, is that the doctor's office or the DMV we're talking about?
Could be either one, I guess.
Whenever I mention the need for some kind of national health care system, my doctor friend replies with this statement: "Sure, we can have the government run health care -- if you want your doctor's office run like the Department of Motor Vehicles."
Well, of course, no one wants their doctor's office to resemble, in any way, the DMV.
I mean, then you'd have to wait unbelievable periods of time before being seen by anyone who could do anything for you.
Wait, is that the doctor's office or the DMV we're talking about?
Could be either one, I guess.
Tuesday, March 6
Breaking News!
A federal jury today convicted G. Gordon "Scooter" Libby of lying about his role in the 1972 break-in at the Watergate and the leak of an undercover CIA officer's identity, finding President Richard Nixon's former chief of staff guilty of two counts of perjury, one count of making false statements, one count of obstruction of justice, and one count of breaking and entering.
The verdict culminated the 35 year trial of the highest-ranking White House official to be indicted on criminal charges in modern times.
As the jury forewoman read each guilty count in a clear, solemn voice, Libby was impassive, remaining seated at the defense table while crushing lit cigarette after lit cigarette into the palm of his hand, gazing straight ahead and displaying no visible emotion. His wife, H. Harriet Libby, sat in the front row with tears in her eyes.
A few minutes after the jury was dismissed, Libby appeared coatless and shirtless outside the federal courthouse. "We intend to file a motion for a new trial," Libby said. "If that is denied, we will go for a head shot."
The verdict culminated the 35 year trial of the highest-ranking White House official to be indicted on criminal charges in modern times.
As the jury forewoman read each guilty count in a clear, solemn voice, Libby was impassive, remaining seated at the defense table while crushing lit cigarette after lit cigarette into the palm of his hand, gazing straight ahead and displaying no visible emotion. His wife, H. Harriet Libby, sat in the front row with tears in her eyes.
A few minutes after the jury was dismissed, Libby appeared coatless and shirtless outside the federal courthouse. "We intend to file a motion for a new trial," Libby said. "If that is denied, we will go for a head shot."
Monday, March 5
Get Well Soon, Mr. Vice President
Hey, I see Vice President Dick Cheney has to go in the hospital for some treatment.
I've got an idea.
Let's send him to Walter Reed.
"What is your rank, soldier?"
"I happen to be Vice President of the United States."
"And do you have the paperwork to confirm that?"
"Well, no, I..."
"Alright, take a seat."
I've got an idea.
Let's send him to Walter Reed.
"What is your rank, soldier?"
"I happen to be Vice President of the United States."
"And do you have the paperwork to confirm that?"
"Well, no, I..."
"Alright, take a seat."
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