Recycling

I have to confess that, although I’ve had several girl friends (and a few wives) who were very committed to recycling, I myself have always hated it. Maybe it’s just not a guy thing.

I know in theory it’s a beneficial endeavor, helping the environment and all, but I just can’t believe that putting the used Chinese food container in the blue bag will help improve anyone’s life. And the other day somebody told me that Chinese food containers aren’t even recyclable! All those years of good deeds down the drain.

The city sends out guidelines for recycling telling what does and does not qualify so I took a look in order to avoid any further improper recycling activity. Now I feel like I need to bring my attorney along when I take out the trash. Do they actually expect people to recycling a cereal box? And what about mail? It says to recycle your mail! How much easier can we make identity theft? Hello, criminals, just check out the green bags. They have all the mail. No need to worry about getting your hands dirty, it’s all neatly tucked inside with newspapers, telephone directories, and soft-cover books. No eggshells, coffee grounds, or Chinese food containers. Just nice, clean paper products.

“The only plastics accepted for recycling...are bottles & jugs…that are stamped with 1 or 2 codes.” Now, am I going to check all my bottles and jugs to see if they made the grade? And how do you break it to a ketchup squeeze bottle that it didn’t make the cut. “Sorry, Heinz, you’re a 3. Was up to me, I’d let it slide. But we’re talking about the Department of Sanitation here. You don’t want to mess with them.”

Then it says, “…requiring workers to inspect the bottom of each container…would be inefficient and extremely costly.” I guess requiring me to inspect the bottom of each container is just fine, though.

I have a friend who says, “I recycle everything, just to be safe”. So if I recycle nothing then wouldn’t that even things out? Wouldn't it?