The Age Of Apple

According to a recent report nearly half of Mac owners are 55 and older. However an Apple spokesman took issue with the statistics, stating "Our customer data shows that only around 20 percent of Mac users are over the age of 55”.

“If you don’t believe it,” he added, “go to an Apple Store and see who is in there.”

Well, I’m over the age of 55 and, after a year and a half of satisfactory iPod performance, I’ve been considering buying a Mac. So I decided to take the Apple spokesman up on his challenge and visit my local Apple Store.

The problems started right at the door. A rather imposing young man with large, tattooed biceps bulging from a tight black tee shirt put his hand up and said “Hold it right there, bud. I’m going to have to see some ID.”

This took me by surprise so I stood there stammering for a moment until he said, "How old are you, anyway?"

Remembering the words of the Apple spokesman I panicked briefly and responded, "Uh, I, I, I'm...29." I tried to sound confident.

"Oh, really?" he questioned. "Well, then, what year were you born?"

I frantically tried to do the subtraction in my head while appearing nonchalant.

"1973?" Even I knew it sounded like a guess.

"Nice try," he smirked, then pointed to a small sign by the door that read "In order to enter these premises you must have been born on this date during or after the year 1977."

"Yeah, 1977. That's what I said."

"I don't think so, pops. Now move along and let some young people in."

"Yeah, move along," said the guy behind me. I swear, he didn't look a day under 45 but he was wearing baggy jeans, gigantic sneakers and a New York Knicks jersey that hung to his knees. An oversize baseball cap sat sideways on his head, but a few gray hairs managed to peek out from beneath it. "Yo, G. Let someone else have a chance," he grunted.

"Okay, 'G'," I replied as I slowly turned and walked away. Behind me I heard the doorman say "This doesn't even look like you, G.", then add, "Name three songs by the Black Eyed Peas."

I smiled as I continued down the street while "G" struggled to come up with an answer. Maybe I'm too old for Apple, but that Fergie? She is one Bodacious Babe.