Vladimir Putin has announced that
Russia will no longer be importing Western fruits, vegetables, meat, fish, or milk products.
Okay, Vlad the Naysayer, fair enough. It’s clearly time for The
West to retaliate and boycott some of those Russian foods we love so much.
First off, no more Vodka. That’s
not so hard, really, since the best Vodka comes from France. That’s right, Grey
Goose is French. So we are okay, there, at least until the next time The
French piss us off!
Second, caviar is out! Don’t
worry, though, fish egg lovers. It turns out that there are several excellent
American caviars available. Wal-Mart and Costco carry a full supply, and you
can order enough to last ten years or more, and for a very reasonable price.
Third, cold soup. The Russians
have so many varieties it is hard to pick just one, but, really, why bother to
choose. Just eliminate them all because, well, COLD SOUP!!! Need I say
more?
Fourth, pirogue. It’s some kind
of mystery meat wrapped in a pastry. In other word, A BURRITO! Well, we don’t
need to get our meat wrapped up by Vladimir Putin. We can get good old All
American Mexican Food and be just as happy.
Finally, McDonald's. McDonald's has
several hundred restaurants in Russia so to be truly patriotic Americans should
vow to stop eating Big Macs.
Okay, let’s not go overboard.
