Vladimir Putin has announced that Russia will no longer be importing Western fruits, vegetables, meat, fish, or milk products.
Okay, Vlad the Naysayer, fair enough. It’s clearly time for The West to retaliate and boycott some of those Russian foods we love so much.
First off, no more Vodka. That’s not so hard, really, since the best Vodka comes from France. That’s right, Grey Goose is French. So we are okay, there, at least until the next time The French piss us off!
Second, caviar is out! Don’t worry, though, fish egg lovers. It turns out that there are several excellent American caviars available. Wal-Mart and Costco carry a full supply, and you can order enough to last ten years or more, and for a very reasonable price.
Third, cold soup. The Russians have so many varieties it is hard to pick just one, but, really, why bother to choose. Just eliminate them all because, well, COLD SOUP!!! Need I say more?
Fourth, pirogue. It’s some kind of mystery meat wrapped in a pastry. In other word, A BURRITO! Well, we don’t need to get our meat wrapped up by Vladimir Putin. We can get good old All American Mexican Food and be just as happy.
Finally, McDonald's. McDonald's has several hundred restaurants in Russia so to be truly patriotic Americans should vow to stop eating Big Macs.
Okay, let’s not go overboard.