Party Problems

I was at a party recently when I saw my friend Mac talking with a fellow to whom he bore some resemblance.

“This is my brother,” said Mac.

“Wow,” I said, “He looks just like a younger version of you.”

“My older brother”, he continued.

Oops.

This brought to mind the time I was at a party and asked a woman with a rather pronounced abdominal protrusion when her baby was due.

“I’m not pregnant”, she replied.

Oops.

Then there was the party where I kept referring to the principal of my son’s school as “Colonel” because somehow I had gotten the idea that he had once held that rank in the military. It turned out he had never been in the military and, in fact, was a committed pacifist.

Oops.

Obviously I have some issues here. As I see it I have only two choices. I either have to stop going to parties, or I can commit myself to making more intelligent conversational choices and giving crystallized, thoroughgoing examination to anything I am about to say.

There's no doubt about it. The choice is clear.

I'm going to miss those parties.