With the passing of the less significant holidays it is time to turn attention toward the threat to one of our most sacred and beloved celebrations.
I am speaking of the War on Groundhog’s Day.
We have all agonized over the commercialization of Groundhog’s Day. The myriad one day sales, television specials, parades, and staged news events have demeaned The Day in countless ways. Many times we even hear it referred to as “G Day” prompting many offended devotees to demand “Let’s keep Ground in Groundhog’s Day!”
But now things are getting more serious. An assault is being conducted by a group of card carrying Seasonal Predictive Agnostics who believe, and have public stated, that forecasting the number of remaining winter weeks cannot be foretold by one of God’s creatures gazing upon a shadow(my emphasis). They have even suggested that the Groundhog is not related to the hog at all but is a – it makes me shake with anger to say it – a rodent!
That’s right. Our Beloved Predictor compared to rats and porcupines!
And to make things worse these elitist arbiters of taste want to disallow the use of the term “Have a happy Groundhog’s Day.” They want all public references to be made in the form “Enjoy the terrain non-hog’s day”.
From my cold, dead lips!
Now is the time for action. Write your congressman, city council, local school board. See to it that the time honored Groundhog tradition is preserved! Remember, this is just the first step. Who knows what could be next?
There is certain Bunny I know that is quite concerned.