Tuesday, May 13

No Talking!!!!

I am not a shy man nor am I a prude, but among the things that I find extremely annoying are men who insist on talking at the public urinal.

This morning in a restroom located in a bookstore I frequent I was minding my own "business" (if you know what I mean) when a young fellow stepped up beside me, unzipped, and said in a loud and, in my opinion, overly gregarious voice "How's it going?" An innocent enough question when asked at the produce stand, say, or bus stop, but which before the porcelain altar takes on a tone of near blasphemy.

"Not bad," I muttered, thankful that at least he had not inquired about how anything was hanging.

"Man!" he exclaimed, startling me and my bladder, "I never had to take a leak so bad!" The sound of his stream filled the air. "Ahhhhhh!" he moaned.

I focused my concentration on a feeble attempt to dilate my traumatized urethra.

"All done!" he announced as he backed away and started to zip up. He turned, looked at himself in the mirror over the sink, decided everything was perfect, and headed for the door. "Okay, man. You have a nice day," he crowed as he left, neglecting to wash his hands.

I carefully pulled up my own zipper, walked over to the sink, and was washing up when another man exited from one of the stalls and joined me.

"What a loudmouth," he said. I smiled wryly at him in the mirror. "Yep," I said.

We washed our hands in silence for a few seconds.

"Whew!" he exhaled loudly. "Man, did I have to take a dump!!!"

2 comments:

Dougie in CA said...

The things you straight guys get your panties in a twist about. And yet we let straight guys run for president. You'll really be liberated when you can carry on a conversation with the guy at the next urinal. If, when in the men's room at the 1987 Oscars, my friend Sam Longoria had freaked when Sean Connery spoke to him at the urinal, he'd never have had the pleasure of holding Sean's Oscar, while he drained his Walthar PPK.

As regards your chatty acquaiti not washing his hands, remember what our late mutual friend Ollie Joe Prater used to say on that subject?

"As I was leaving the men's room this guy said to me, 'My mother taught me to wash my hands after.' I told him, "My momma taught me not to piss on my hands in the first place."

I miss Oliie. Don't you?

KathyR said...

Reason # 147 why I'm glad I'm not a man.