Wednesday, March 16

Social Security

As a 57-year-old man I shouldn’t have to worry about the Social Security debate. As America is becoming an “I’ve got mine, now you get yours” nation, by promising that nothing will change for me the administration is hoping to get me out of the way so they can focus on the next generation of retirees. They assure me that I will get the benefits I was promised and will not have to worry about private accounts or extended retirement ages or increased taxes.

But did anyone stop to think that maybe I want to get into the rock-em, sock-em, exciting world of Stock Market Retirement Planning. How come only the kids get to bet their future on the same club that produced the Sam Waksal, Bernie Ebbers and Ken Lay? Why should I be forced to spend my golden years in governmentally guaranteed comfort when I can risk it all on an Internet startup or legalized Ponzi scheme? Why should I miss out on all the fun?

I think it’s time for crazy, thrill-seeking seniors to stand up and let the administration know that we want the same right to screw up our future that the kids are going to get. Do they think we’re too chicken to risk it all for a shot at a 3% return instead of 1.9%? Hey, administration, we’re talking about 1.1% that you’re denying me because of my age. And that, my friend, is discrimination.

Listen up, administration. We created civil rights. We brought down Nixon. We ended a war. Do you think we’d be afraid to bet our quality of life on some high-tech IPO or C grade municipal bond fund? Think again.

Guaranteed benefits? We don’t need no stinking guaranteed benefits.

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