Thursday, September 29

The Jagged Edge

Nelson, my nemesis, caught me filing my thumbnail at work the other day. I had jammed my thumb while reaching for a soy crisp that was falling off my desk and created a painfully jagged nail. I was smoothing it out with an emery board when Nelson stuck his head in the doorway of my office.

“How about some lunch… Hey, what’s the matter? Broke a nail?”

“No, I didn’t break a nail. I jammed my thumb reaching for a…” I didn’t want to admit liking soy crisps to Nelson so I said, “…beef jerky.”

“And you broke a nail doing that?”

“It just cracked a little. It needs to be smoothed out is all.”

“What you got there, Jim? Emery board? I could see how that would handle a lady's nails, but I’d think a man would need something stronger. Just goes to show you.”

Although the emery board had done a fine job smoothing the edge of my thumbnail (and buffed it to a very attractive sheen, I might add) I couldn’t let his comment go unchallenged.

“This is just an emergency fix. When I get home I’ll have to go over it with a..., uh..., belt sander or something.”

"You know, if your nails are fragile..."

"They are NOT fragile! I just..."

"...you should try getting more calcium in your diet. Quit eating that beef jerky all the time."

"What should I eat, then?"

"Oh, lots of foods have calcium. Hey, I know! You ever heard of soy crisps?"

2 comments:

happyandblue2 said...

LOL. Great story. The things we men have to do to protect our masculinity..

chosendaughter said...

Ha! How annoying is that guy? Run the belt sander over his head!