Tuesday, April 15

Snore War

My wife insists that I've been snoring lately but of course she's wrong. I don't snore. Once in a while I might breath heavily, but snore? I don't think so.

However her illusion has lead her to prod me at night and mutter "Roll over" or some other directive ("Quiet", "Move", "Lay on your stomach"). I always do my best to humor her.

This morning, however, there was a gross miscarriage of justice. Our clock radio went off at 7:00 as usual and the NPR station to which we like to wake was running a story about, I think, hog farms in China. It is common in these radio news features for the reporter to include some ambient sound in the story to give it a sense of place. In this case the ambient sound was that of hundreds of hogs grunting and grumbling as they fed on their daily portion of slop.

"Roll over", I heard the love of my life growl sleepily.

"Hey", I protested. "That wasn't me."

"Yeah, right", she replied as she settled in for a few more winks.

"No, really..." but by now I could tell she was back to sleep because of her slow, steady breathing.

Actually, I think her breathing is getting to be just a little bit heavy.

1 comment:

Doug McE said...

People tell me I snore loud enough to stampede cattle, but my cats never complain. They also never set a radio to start playing at 7 AM. They would be in big trouble if they did. There's nothing on the radio at 7 AM that I can't wait till noon to hear.

I suspect I do snore, as my dad had a snore I could hear right through the ceiling, and when I was hospitalized a few years ago, the doctors all asked to do sleep apnia tests on me, as my snore could be heard on other floors also.

But snoring can be good. 24 years ago I toured with a show, and the cheapo who was producing it made all the actors share rooms, EXCEPT that after one night sharing a bedroom with me, the other actors all INSISTED they not have to share a room with me, as sleeping was impossible next to my sonorous buzzsawing. As a result, for the whole tour, I was the only cast member to get a private room.