Tuesday, May 27
Man Answers Cell Phone At Exorcism
"May I speak to Mr. Howard Farnsworth please?"
"This is he."
"Hello, Mr. Farnsworth. This is Carl with Lucifer's."
"Yes. You remember you sold your soul to us in 2007?"
"Yes, I remember."
"And have you enjoyed the untold riches and access to beautiful women you have received in exchange"
"I suppose so."
"Where are you now, Mr. Farnsworth?"
"At this moment. Where exactly are you?"
"Um, well, I'd rather not say..."
"I see. Well, let me get Lucifer then..."
"No, no. That won't be necessary. I'm standing in front of a building..."
"That would be The Church of the Holy Sorrow in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, New York, correct?"
"How did you know..."
"Ah, Brooklyn. It is such a lovely place. It is known as the Borough of Churches. Did you know that?"
"I might have heard..."
"DID YOU KNOW IT?!!!"
"Yes, yes I did know it."
"Now, according to our records you have registered for an exorcism there at Holy Sorrow scheduled for, oh, look, just two minutes from now. Why would you want to do that?"
"I don't know. I guess I just sort of wanted my soul back."
"Despite the fact that you are now part of an affiliation that is over 300 Million souls strong?"
"And growing every day, Mr. Farnsworth. All the cool guys are in it. Now what would make you want to leave something as popular and cool as that?"
"Um, the Power of Christ compels me?"
"Very funny, Mr. Farnsworth. I just wonder what it would take to keep you here with Lucifer's?"
"Well, I guess if there was some way I could get my soul back..."
"Hmmm. You know, if it was up to me that would be no problem, but my supervisor has some very...exacting standards. Oh, what the hell. Yes, what the Hell indeed. Let me see what I can do. Now it looks like you are on the single soul plan, is that right?"
"Well, yes. I mean I only have one immortal soul, right?"
"Mr. Farnsworth, let me tell you about our Friends and Family program..."