Putin Signs Law Forcing Popular Bloggers To Register

Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

I am writing to inform you that I wish to register my blog, The JD Times, in compliance with recently passed legislation. As an important and influential source of humor and inspiration I have determined that my blog falls within the purview of this law, since it is a significant global media outlet of vital information.

Please register my blog as soon as you can because, honestly, it is really popular, well read, and a beloved source of information to several people.

It is  not nearly the colossal waste of time you may have heard it is.

Yours truly,

The JD Times.
New York, NY

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Thank you for contacting The Embassy of the Russian Federation, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and a Customer Care Representative will respond to your inquiry.

Sincerely, 

The Embassy of the Russian Federation
Customer Support 
www.russianembassy.org/support.html 

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Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

I'm afraid there has been a misunderstanding. I don't have a problem with customer care. I just want to register my important, hugely popular, highly entertaining blog because it it a profound source of information to many, many people.

JD Times.
New York, NY

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Thank you for contacting The Embassy of the Russian Federation, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and we note that that you "have a problem with customer care". A Customer Care Problem Resolution Officer will be contacting you shortly.

Sincerely,

The Embassy of the Russian Federation

Customer Care Resolution Division 
www.russianembassy.org/resolution.html

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Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

Can't you get it through your thick skulls that I don't have a customer care problem and don't need a Customer Care Problem Resolution Officer! I just want to register my stupid blog! 

JD Times

New York, NY

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Thank you for contacting The Embassy of the Russian Federation, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and we note that you "don't need a Customer Care Problem Resolution Officer" in relation to the problem with your skull. Therefore we will be forced to escalate this issue to a higher level. 

Sincerely,

The Embassy of the Russian Federation

Customer Care Enforcement Division 
www.russianembassy.org/enforcement.html

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Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

Oh, just forget the whole thing. I don't want your dumb Federation looking at my blog, anyway.

JD Times

New York, NY

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Thank you for contacting The Embassy of the Russian Federation, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and we note your demand to cease "looking at my blog". Despite your pitiful attempts to avoid the No Blogger Left Behind Act, you have been registered and will be monitored by The Glorious People's Ministry of Literary Appraisal The Blogger Safety Board to insure that nothing you write, post, or think is of any danger to you or anyone you know, have ever known, or ever will know.

This monitoring will take effect as soon as the audience for your blog reaches three thousand readers.  

Sincerely,

The Embassy of the Russian Federation

Customer Care Enforcement Division 
www.russianembassy.org/NBLB.html

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Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

I am in receipt of your most recent missive and, in fact, am reading it now.  First of all let me apologize for my previous outburst. I was having a bad...Three THOUSAND readers?!!

What am I, a Kardashian?

Just forget the whole thing.

JD Times.
New York, NY

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Editorial Offices of The JD Times
New York, NY
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

Thank you for contacting The Embassy of the Russian Federation, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and we note your request to "forget the whole thing" regarding the registration of your blog. Unfortunately, this is not possible. We  are Russian. We never forget anything.

In fact an operative representative will be meeting you and your Kardashian friends soon. 

Very soon.

Sincerely,
The Russian Embassy
Washington, DC
Scheduling Division
www.russianembassy.org/meeting.html
 

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Embassy of the Russian Federation
Washington, DC
Attn: Blog Registration Division
Dear Sirs,

Thank you for contacting The JD Times, Customer Service. We are in receipt of your communication and a customer service representative will respond to your inquiry as soon as the audience for your inquiry reaches three thousand readers.

Sincerely,

The JD Times
Whereabouts Unknown