Saturday, October 29

Assumed Names

The other day I saw an ad for the movie "Doom" billing the star as "Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson". Then I saw an ad for the movie "Get Rich Or Die Tryin'" billing the star as "Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson".

Now, I would be the last person to question the judgment of a former football player and wrestler or a gangsta rapper who has been shot 9 times, but what the heck are these guys thinking? You hear 'The Rock' or '50 Cent', you know what kind of movie you're going to get. You may not like it, but you know what to expect.

Who wants to see a movie starring Dwayne Johnson. Or Curtis Jackson?

A day or two later I saw an interview with Tab Hunter where it was revealed that his real name is Arthur Kelm. This was probably his second best kept secret, and rightly so. Who want's to see "Ride The Wild Surf" starring "Arthur 'Tab Hunter' Kelm"? Alright, who wants to see "Ride The Wild Surf" under any circumstances, but you get my point. "Tab 'Tab Hunter' Hunter" had the decency to stay with the name that got him wherever it is he's got to.

Imagine tuning in to NBC one fall evening in 1960 to watch "The Arthur 'Tab Hunter' Kelm Show" starring Arthur 'Tab Hunter' Kelm. It's ridiculous.

So come on Rock, come on 50! Don't sell out your sobriquet. Don't mangle your moniker. Why would you do that? To please your mother ("Dwayne, can't you use the name momma gave you?")? To make it easier to cash a check ("I'm sorry, we can't cash a check for this small amount ... Oh, sorry, that's your signature...")? To keep from getting shot 9 more times ("I ain't gonna waste no bullets on no Curtis Jackson, I'll tell you that!")

Well, maybe that last reason is a good one.

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