Saturday, February 15


After reviewing some of my recent posts I noted that my vocabulary had become somewhat limited. I read somewhere that most people only use about 100 words on a regular basis and I feared that I had become one of those people. I had to admit to myself that I was in danger of being, oh what's the word, you know kind of like dull but more like "not shiny"?

Never-mind, I'll think of it.

To help myself out I downloaded an app on my phone that sends me a new word everyday so I can punch things up.

Ha, I used the word "punch" just now. I haven't used that word in ages, so I think it's benefiting me already.

After a few days collecting new words, I had to go to the drug store to pick up some cold medicine. My pharmacist, Dr. Connors, is a little bit imperious (Ha! Another one!) so I was looking forward to impressing him with my new lexicon (Bam!).

I approached him and boldly said, "Salutations, Dr. Connors. I have gonorrhea in my olfactory organ."

He looked doubtful. "You have a sexually transmitted disease in your nose?"

I paused a moment while I quickly checked my phone. "I mean rhinorrhea. Yes, that's it. rhinorrhea in my olfactory organ"

"So you have a runny nose in your, uh, nose?"

"Precisely. And," I checked my phone again, "aqueous oculus...oculuses...oculinsky...?" The word of the day did not seem to cover latinate pluralities.

"Watery eyes?"

"Perchance," I taunted. I lowered my voice. "I think it might be the albumen."

"The egg white?" he skepticated.

"Yes. NO. Uh, maybe?" I said capriciously.

"So you have a runny nose and egg whites in your watery eyes?"  He was looking - I mean oculating - at me oddly, that is, leeringly, no, that's not it, warily.

Yes, warily.

"Well, yes, that's what I speculated," was my retorted. "Except for the egg whites. I'll just need some cold medicine for now."

"You mean nasopharyngitis serum?"

I paused a moment and resisted the urge to check my phone again.

"That's one way of putting it," I conceded.

Wait, oh yeah, lackluster. That's the word I was looking for.

Thank the Deity I won't experience worriment about that any longer.



Douglas mcEwan said...

My heartiest approbations on your jocular verbose literary epistle. It wuz gud.

Daniel McVicar said...

Hi Jim Doug sent me here and I am enjoying your blog. Keep writing! I was talking with my buddy Ray and we were reminidcing about The Comedy Store and your act with JP. You are still funny sir!